Even though, I read alot, alot of romance novels and manga... I never seems to understand what love really is? Why do people fall in love so easily these days? With reasons like: 'Everyone else has a stead, so, I want one too!' or 'He/She is totally my type!' or 'I don't hate him/her. And he/she confessed to me. Why not?'

Is it love at first sight? I don't know. I mean he's not as good looking as my Mamo or any other guys in manga. Is it his smile? Don noe. Is it his voice? Certainly, no. Because I have heard so many better voices. So what is it about him? That makes my heart races when I look at him, my mind is filled up with him, turns my face red even when he was standing one meter away. Crush(s) are so wonderful. The sweet feeling that melts in your heart. I remember my first crush was short lived but so memorable. Just staring through the window to his class next door to look at him is enough to make me happy all day. Having crush is pure love except if you start stalking the person. Because you haven't wanted any returns yet until you gets to the stage of confessing.

But I think this crush is short-lived too. Because age really does matter so does time. Who says time doesn't matter, even the heroines in the fiction world always met their true love first before anyone else. If I was born earlier, would this crush bloom? The second time I am feeling like that but it was always not suitable for confessing. Feelings are so important, for me at least. I don't wanna fall in love just for the sake of falling in love. Life is not about having countless of 'stead' to prove that you are charming or whatever. Most would say this sound like 'sour grapes' but I think what's the point when you look back in life and can't even remember about a single thing about ur so called 'stead' in the past. You don't even remember the feeling of loving that person. The simplest thing yet so complicated. After so long time, I still remember the feeling of that crush that I realize it so fast, the minute I had the same feeling again, I knew I was in love again. I really wish I can confess to him face to face, and tell him: 'I really like you. I m sorry because even though, I know what your answer already is, I don't expect anything good out of this, I still wanna tell you how I feel. From now on, I will move on and you must continue as happy as you are now.' I don't think I will be able to do that if I really have the chance, I might end up hitting him and crying about how pathetic I feel.

Ah, Ah~~~ My crush is dead again. And no one ever knew about this and I don't intend to tell neither. Who's here to cheer me up when I need it? Haiz... I got to do something to forget this pain that is here again...